


Remember Who You Are

by InTheCompanyOfDragons



Series: Brotherhood AU [29]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Brotherhood AU, Brotherly Love, Confused Sam, Guardian Dean, Hell PTSD, Lucifer's Cage, Post-Hell Sam, Scared Sam, Wordcount: 5.000-10.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-08
Updated: 2015-03-24
Packaged: 2018-03-11 00:49:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3309512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InTheCompanyOfDragons/pseuds/InTheCompanyOfDragons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just as the The Guardian, Dean Winchester faces the fact that it was time to move on without  his little brother, he gets a call from Caleb that changes everything. With Sam back from the cage, but not quite right, can the Triad help Sam get better, while still keeping the Brotherhood from sinking?<br/>Brotherhood AU by Ridley.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ridley’s original Brotherhood storyline ended at Season five and went completely AU from there, but fan fiction being what it is, I wanted to write my own story in the Brotherhood universe when Sam comes back from hell. I hope you enjoy this AU of an AU.

Remember Who You Are

Dean was tired. Beyond tired. It had been six months since the battle at Stull Cemetery. Six months since Sam had jumped into the pit, with one last request from Dean: leave him there. Everyday was a battle, he was fighting his older brother instincts to rescue Sam, to say screw the rest of the world, release Lucifer from the cage if he had to, just get his little brother back. But Dean knew he could never do that. 

Dean was the Guardian, and his job was to defend the world from evil. When he began to fall of course, Caleb, the Knight of the Brotherhood had been quick to remind him of Sam’s sacrifice, that he wouldn’t want that. But Dean knew his best friend often struggled with the idea that Sam was burning for them. In many ways Sam was the biggest saint that had every lived, yet there were only a small group of people who would even know to mourn the death of Sam Winchester, even fewer that knew the truth about what Sam had done on that fateful day in Lawrence. 

Dean knew that his time was up; he needed to appoint a new Scholar for his Triad, someone to replace Sam. He scoffed at the idea, Sam wasn’t replaceable; Dean’s Triad would never be as complete, or as great as it would be with Sam, but Dean had no choice he had a world to protect. 

Dean jumped as his phone vibrated on the table in front of him, and sighed as he saw the call was coming from Bobby’s place. He sighed; Bobby and Mac had been on him constantly about the Triad, afraid that other factions might plan to attempt to overthrow him if they sensed weakness. 

“Bobby, I’m on it okay? I’ll have everything in place by the end of the week, lay off will you?” 

“It can wait kiddo, get your ass to Sioux Falls.” Dean frowned at the voice at the other end of the line. 

“Damien? What the hell are you doing at Bobby’s? Witch hunt in Syracuse ringing any bells?” 

“Passed it on, Deuce I’m serious get here right now. Please.” Dean was now worried, Caleb never begged anyone for anything. 

“Caleb, are you okay?” Dean asked. 

“I’m fine. Everyone’s fine. Just do it okay?” 

“Yeah, okay I’m on my way, I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Dean closed his phone and turned around and swore as he ran into Cas. 

“Caleb thought it would be best if I retrieved you, time is of the essence.” Dean groaned he hated angel express. 

“Fine, lets go.” Before Dean could blink he was standing in Bobby’s living room, staring at a very upset looking Caleb Reaves. 

“Okay, Damien where’s the fire?” Caleb sighed and planted a hand on his friends shoulder. 

“Look I know you are gonna be pissed, but Bobby called me and Cas first because we had to be absolutely sure… we didn’t want to get your hopes up… even know he is still a bit messed up…well a lot messed up…” 

“What’re you…” Dean was cut off by the sound of yelling from the basement. The voice sounded a lot like…. But that wasn’t possible. 

Dean didn’t even register the fact that he was running as he bolted from under his friends hand and down the stairs towards the panic room freezing at the entrance unable to speak at the scene unfolding before him. 

“Sam stop it you are going to hurt yourself.” Bobby said from one side of the panic room dodging a glass that Sam had thrown at his head. Sam laughed manically as he showed his hand that was cut up from the shards. 

“What this? I’m not that concerned, you will fix it all up when you get sick of this particular charade, fucking bastards think I am gonna fall for this again… I’m not.” Dean’s gaze caught Caleb’s as the older man gave him a sad look. 

“We figured you were probably the best bet in convincing him…” Dean swallowed back emotion. 

“Are you positive it’s him.” Caleb nodded. 

“Yeah… Cas checked him out when I couldn’t get into his head.” 

“Why can’t you get into his head? You two always had a weirdly close  
connection with your psychic crap.” Caleb swallowed hard and sighed. 

“I haven’t had that since Lucifer took over … we have been disconnected completely.” Dean nodded solemnly and stepped into the panic room. 

“Sammy?” He said hoarsely. Sam’s eyes whipped up and eyed him darkly, his gaze filling with more hatred. 

“Don’t ever call me that… you aren’t him…” Sammy said quietly, but with conviction. 

“Please, just listen.” Sam fell against the back wall and pushed his eyes into his hands as he slid to the ground. 

“No! You said you wouldn’t be him anymore. Stop!” Dean drew a deep breath  
and knelt down on the floor a good distance from Sam, hoping he would have time to stand if his brother started swinging. 

“Read me.” Sam paused for a second and looked out from under his hands with one eye. 

“What did you just say?” Sam asked. 

“I said read me, I know I got the Guardian wall and all that, but you can still  
read all the other stuff.” Sam scoffed. 

“My psychic thing hasn’t worked since I was topside…” Dean smiled sadly. 

“Just give it a try, you’ve got nothing to lose right.” Sam sat there staring at  
Dean for what seemed like hours, before he felt the familiar tingling in his brain, that he had become accustomed to. Sam’s eyes got wide. 

“How are you doing that… you are tricking me.” 

“Okay, well then how about Caleb next? You can get a better read on him.”  
Sam looked over at Caleb, and Dean felt his heart leap a little bit as Caleb smiled. 

“Welcome back kiddo, we’ve missed you.” Caleb said softly. Sam began to tear up, but no one called him on it. Sam could cry all he wanted as far as all the men were concerned they might even join him. 

“D…Dean?” Sam said tentatively. Dean gave him a watery smile. 

“Welcome back little brother.” Sam gave a small smile and tried to push himself up, hissing when his injured hand made contact with the concrete floor. Sam frowned and looked at his hand. 

“I cut my hand.” Sam said. And for some reason that made Dean laugh. 

“I can fix that.” Dean said. Sam frowned again and looked at the blood falling from the wounds. 

“How?” Sam asked with innocence in his voice. That concerned Dean, but he wasn’t sure why yet. 

“The Winchester way, gauze and Jim Beam.” Sam thought on that for a minute and nodded, finally standing up from the floor. 

Bobby made himself scarce, hiding somewhere in this house to place the shocking call to Mackland while Caleb and Dean sat with Sam in the kitchen,  
attempting to patch up his hand. 

“Shouldn’t you put some stitches in that?” Caleb offered, trying to be helpful as Dean just cleaned and covered Sam’s hand with a bandage. Dean turned to him and shook his head wildly. Caleb got the message, suture needles and stitches were a bad idea after hell it could make Sam withdraw further into himself. Sam sat silently for a little while until he looked up at Caleb. 

“I can feel you, in my head.” Caleb met Sam’s eyes and nodded. 

“Yeah it is kinda strong right now, it will dull down Sammy.” Sam nodded blankly and frowned as he felt his stomach rumble. 

“You hungry Sammy?” Dean asked. Sam looked at him with that same look of innocence he had given in the panic room. 

“I don’t know…” 

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Caleb asked. Sam tilted his head and wrapped his hands around himself. 

“It feels… empty… does that mean I’m hungry?” Dean cleared his throat and nodded. 

“Yeah Sammy, you are hungry… do you not remember what that feels like?” Sam sniffed and tightened his hold around himself. 

“It is easy to forget…” Dean nodded. 

“Okay… well what do you remember?” Sam lifted his head and stared at Dean as tears collected in his eyes. 

“I remember the cage.”


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

After a few hours of almost falling asleep at the table, and a few more hours of Dean trying to convince Sam that sleeping was necessary for being alive on earth, Sam was asleep in the spare bedroom of Bobby’s house and the other three hunters were sitting at the dining room table tipping back a healthy amount of whiskey. 

“I’m not sure how we even begin to handle this.” Bobby said. “Mackland is on his way to give him a quick once over, but lets face it, his injuries aren’t ones we can see.” 

“Mac can’t help, we barely even know what we are dealing with.” Caleb said. Dean slammed his glass down on the table. 

“Sure we do, its hell we are dealing with.” Caleb sighed. 

“Dean I know you’re pissed…” Bobby said, but Dean cut him off.

“You’re right I am, you should have come to me when Sam popped up, but I will deal with that later. First I got to fix my little brother, and find out how he is even back here with us.”

“Look Deuce… when you came back you had your problems… but you weren’t anything like that.” 

“I was given an out… I became the torturer instead, Sam was the God damn whipping boy for two archangels… and he was down there longer… and deeper…” Bobby frowned at Dean. 

“Does it matter where he was in hell?” Dean took another swallow of whiskey and rubbed his hand over his tired eyes. Hell wasn’t his favourite topic to discuss, but he would do anything for his brother, even if it meant opening up wounds he had long ago let scab over and scar.

“The whole point of the cage, is that Lucifer is locked down and can’t escape right? He was down there for thousands of years, and was never able to find a way out. Well demons claw their ways out of hell everyday, so the cage has to be deeper then the level of hell I was in right? The deeper the level the slower time passes. Four months is fourty years where I was, but that was just that level, just where the souls that were sold at the crossraods were.” 

“Jesus Christ, how long do you think he was down there?” Dean shrugged. 

“In my hell, six months would have been sixty years… so he was probably in the cage for a century? Maybe more? And he wasn’t on the rack, he was all Lucifer and Michael had to take out their frustrations on. Hell destroys your soul as it is, I can’t imagine what that kid has gone through.”

“So what do we do?” Bobby asked. Sam was like a son to him, and when Sam took his dive it nearly destroyed Bobby. He wasn’t going to let the kid fall apart now, not when there was a chance to keep him afloat.

“Give him time, help him like you helped me.” Caleb knocked back another shot; he wished it was that simple. 

“It was different with you Deuce. You were angry, you drank too much, you were depressed and combative, but you never forgot you had to eat or sleep to keep yourself going...you never needed to be told how to keep yourself alive. ” 

“You brought me back… Sammy will come back too, there is just… more of him to save.” The conversation was cut off by a scream from the upstairs, which brought Dean to his feet. With a glare from the oldest Winchester, Caleb and Bobby stayed where they were while Dean went upstairs to his brother. Even as kids, Sam’s nightmares had been a private thing, that hadn’t changed as they had grown into adulthood. 

Sam was sitting up in the bed pressed against the wall with his knees against his chest. Dean crept in slowly, making his presence known so he didn’t startle his brother. Dean didn’t speak until he knew Sam could see him. 

“Are you okay Sammy?” Sam’s eyes flickered his direction before turning back down to the bedspread. 

“I was there… in the cage… with them…” 

“No you weren’t. It was just a nightmare.” Dean said, more firmly then he probably had to be. Sam tilted his head and nodded. 

“Right… nightmares… I used to get a lot of those didn’t I?” That was an understatement, but Dean would take anything Sam remembered and reinforce its truth if that’s what Sam needed.

“Yeah you always had a pretty wild imagination.” Sam gulped in some air and looked at Dean. 

“How do I know you are even real Dean? He used to be you all the time… at the beginning.” Dean smiled at Sam. 

“I would never lie to you Sammy.” Sam laughed sadly and his shoulders slumped a little bit. 

“Lucifer never lied to me either Dean. Not once. He always told me the truth.” Dean wished he could be shocked by that revelation, but he wasn’t. And it angered him that an archangel had always been truthful, when Dean couldn’t say the same. Dean suddenly has an idea and reached around his neck to the chain that had been wearing around his neck since the night before Sam jumped into the cage. Around the chain held Sam’s Scholar Ring, he ring that showed his position in the Brotherhood. He placed it in Sam’s hand, and watched as Sam’s eyes widened. 

“You gave that back to me the night before you jumped. You didn’t want it in the pit with you. The same night you made me promise not to bring you back. Do you believe me now? I’m your brother Sam.” 

“I believe you.” Sam whispered and handed the ring back to Dean, but Dean just shook his head and pushed it back towards his brother. 

“It’s yours Sammy, put it back on.” Sam shook his head. 

“It isn’t mine anymore Dean… you should give this to the new Scholar.” Dean laughed. 

“There is no new Scholar Sammy, just you.” 

“Why didn’t you pick a new one after I….” Dean shrugged. 

“Never got around to it…” Sam stared down at the ring again. 

“How long have I been gone Dean?” 

“Sammy…” 

“Please… I know logically it can’t be as long as it feels… but I need you to tell me.” Dean sighed. 

“It’s only been about six months.” Sam nodded and tightened his hold around the silver ring in his hand before dropping it on the bed in front of him. 

“You should still find a new Scholar Dean…” 

“Don’t want one, you are the best I got.” Sam huffed. 

“No Dean I’m not.” 

“Too bad kid, you were chosen by my predecessor, I’m not changing the master plan.” Sam sniffled. 

“I don’t even remember how to be… Sam anymore…” Anyone else might not understand that, but Dean sure did. It took a long time before Dean figured out how to fir in his own skin again, and even now there were days where he felt off, he could still feel his hell scars some times.

“You’ll get it back Sammy, you got people here to help you.” 

“How? You can’t fix this.” 

“We can try.” 

“No Dean… I’m broken.” 

“We all are. But now that we got you back, we can try to heal together okay? I’ll help you with the hell stuff... Caleb will help get your psychic crap working properly again, and we will figure out the rest as a family. Do you trust me?” Sam looked at him sadly. 

“I…don’t know...” That hurt but Dean smiled anyway. 

“You will Sammy, it’ll all come back I promise.” Sam nodded but Dean could tell that his brother didn’t believe him. “How about you tell me one thing you remember everyday, and we will talk about it, does that sound okay? I mean if you want to talk about more that’s fine, but one thing at least okay?” Sam smiled shyly. 

“Okay.” 

“Okay, so right now what do you remember.” Sam looked up and stared Dean in the eye. 

“I remember being sorry for letting you down.” Dean choked back some tears. 

“Damn it Sammy… I am sorry for the exact same thing.”


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:  
Sam was quiet the next morning, and Dean and Caleb let him be for the time being. The younger man was obviously deep in thought, and they didn’t want to disturb Sam’s train of thought, when it could be difficult for him to pick it back up at times. Bobby had headed out on a hunt, hoping that with one less person in the house, Sam might feel more comfortable, and with Mackland on his way the house was going to start getting overcrowded. 

Dean was hoping that Sam would be ready to travel soon, so they could head back to the farm and continue Sam’s recovery there. He figured that being back there, at a place that had brought them so many good memories, it might be easier for Sam to remember more of his life, and let a little bit of his hell fade into the background. Caleb planned on sticking around to help out, but the men still had to concern themselves with running the Brotherhood. 

Caleb got up from the couch and let Mackland into the house, and walked him slowly towards Sam who peered out beneath his hair. The youngest Winchester looked very much like a kid when he did that, and it made something in Mackland’s chest tighten as he remembered a little boy who knew nothing of the world of monsters and pain. Now Mac could still see a glimmer of that boy, but he was hard to see in the eyes filled with confusion and hellfire. 

“Hey Sammy, you remember Mac?” Caleb asked. Sam scrunched up his face in distaste. 

“Of course… I’m not stupid…” Caleb sighed. 

“Didn’t say you were, we just don’t know what’s going on in your brain right now.” Dean explained. Sam sighed and uncurled himself. 

“I remember… people… it’s just the details that are a little fuzzy.” Sam explained to the best of his ability. Mackland sat down on the coffee table across from Sam and looked at the young man, he was shocked. He was sure he would never see that face again. 

“It is really good to see you Samuel.” Sam looked up through his hair with a tight expression, and Mac winced as he felt Sam searching through his thoughts, but he let Sam do it. He didn’t know what Sam was looking for but after a minute he seemed to uncoil and relax, and he smiled softly at the older psychic.

“You too Mac…” 

“Are you hurt anywhere?” Sam shook his head. 

“Nowhere that you can fix Doc…” Mackland’s heart broke a little at the statement, and he turned when he heard Dean clear his throat. Sam tilted his head, showing he didn’t know what Dean wanted and the older Winchester sighed deeply.

“Uhh… Sammy? Your hand.” Sam looked at the bandage curiously. 

“Oh yeah right… I cut my hand yesterday…” Mackland nodded and took Sam’s hand in his examining the wound. It was deep, but it should heal on its own. 

“How’d you do this?” Mackland asked conversationally. 

“Throwing things at Bobby’s head in the panic room, cut it on some glass.” Mac quirked an eyebrow at Sam. 

“And why were you throwing things at Bobby?” Sam shifted uncomfortably with what everyone recognized as embarrassment. Dean’s jaw twitched, Sam shouldn’t be embarrassed, not after what he had been through. The urge too protect his brother was growing, even though he knew nobody in this family would ask Sam anything malicious. 

“I thought it was a trick… I thought Lucifer was…” Dean stood and came closer to his brother. 

“It’s okay Sammy, we get it.” Sam looked up and Dean and tilted his head to the side. 

“Sweet tea.” Dean frowned. 

“What?” 

“Sweet tea. That’s what I remember today. I remember Jim making sweet tea.” Caleb laughed. 

“Yeah, none of us have ever been able to make it the same since Jim.” Caleb said. Sam smiled. 

“Yeah… nothing has ever been the same since Merlin left us.” 

“Well… Merlin’s castle is still there.” Dean said. “We will go back there soon.” Sam looked at the   
men in the room. 

“We?” 

“Yeah you know, us, Caleb and Mac. We’ll take it easy for awhile, but I got some Brotherhood stuff to take care of, things have been stacking up lately.” 

“I can help.” Sam said. “I can research and stuff for now… until I am less screwed up.” 

“You aren’t screwed up kid…” Caleb said. Sam had been through literal hell; he was entitled to be a little out of it for the next little while. “But we could definitely use your geeky brain.” 

“I’m not a geek.” Sam mumbled throwing a bitch face at Caleb. For just a second everyone could pretend it was just like old times. Before Stanford, broken families, and demon deals. 

And for now Dean was content to believe that, cause soon Sam was going to show his cage match scars, and Dean was going to be there to hold him together, it was his job.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:   
It happened the next morning when Caleb was making breakfast, and Dean was kicking himself because he hadn’t thought about it before. 

Dean was sitting at the table in the kitchen sipping coffee while Caleb was at the stove. Dean found it highly amusing any time Caleb cooked, and he never failed to make fun of his friend for acting like a housewife. 

Dean turned his head towards the entrance of the kitchen when he heard the telltale squeak of the stairs that told him that Sam was awake. A few minutes later Sam walked into the kitchen, with his long arms wrapped around his middle. It had become a familiar stance, and Dean couldn’t help but think it looked like Sam was attempting to hold himself together. And Dean didn’t know if he was trying to hold his emotional self together, or if Sam was so broken that he was trying to hold his unseen scars together. Sam took a seat across from Dean and gave him a small shy smile from behind his wild brown hair. 

“Morning, little brother. How did you sleep?” Sam shrugged. 

“Fine.” Sam looked like he was going to continue, until a loud popping noise came from the stove. He turned his head so quick; Dean thought he was going to give himself whiplash. Sam began to breathe heavily and Dean tensed himself as a smell reached his nose, and he swore under his breath, not believing he hadn’t thought about it before. 

“Sammy, it’s okay.” Dean said quietly. Caleb turned around and took in the sight of the younger Winchester shaking, and his distant gaze. 

“Deuce what’s going on?” Caleb asked carefully. 

“Take the frying pan outside…” Caleb looked confused but quickly did as he was told. Dean turned back to Sam and approached his brother slowly, kneeling by Sam’s feet. Dean heard Caleb come back in the house but he was too focused on his little brother’s quiet mumbling to say anything to the older man. 

“Not real. Not real. Still in the cage. Can’t believe I fell for that…” Caleb swore under his breath, and Dean attempted to reach out to touch his brother’s arm, to find someway to ground him in reality and that’s when Sam snapped. 

Sam’s fist flew out when he felt someone touch his arm, and Dean flew back onto the floor cradling his eye. Sam began to pace the kitchen like a caged animal eyeing Dean and Caleb with a look that told them not to come any closer. 

“Son of a bitch.” Dean said. He knew the skin under his eye had split under his brother’s strong punch. “Sammy please just listen to me for a second.” Sam stopped pacing, and watched Dean with hatred that was burning deep in his eyes. 

“Stop, you got me okay? I believed you. Now stop it.” Dean ignored the pain in his face and pushed himself up off the kitchen floor. 

“No Sam, I am not going to let you believe that. I just got you back. It was just bacon cooking Sam. That’s all it was. It wasn’t what you think it was. You are with me and Caleb at Bobby’s place, you know that. Please believe me.” Sam’s eyes flickered between Caleb and Dean, and Caleb’s heart broke a little, as he saw Sam begin to break. Sam was trying so hard to believe in his brother, with everything in his mind telling him otherwise. 

Suddenly Sam seemed to deflate as he watched Dean, and he tilted his head in curiosity. Dean tried to stay calm as Sam stepped towards him, hoping that his brother wasn’t about to shank him with a fork. But all Sam did was put his hand on Dean’s face, and pressed the cut under his eye causing Dean to hiss in pain. 

“I hurt you…” Sam said. Dean pulled back a little and watched his brother carefully, unsure of where this was going. 

“Uhhh… it’s just a scratch Sammy.” 

“No I mean… I could never make you bleed down there… when we fought down there you always beat the crap out of me, but I could never hurt you… course it wasn’t really you it was Lucifer…this isn’t the cage is it?” Dean didn’t answer because Sam was watching Caleb, and seemed to be directing the question at him, and currently Dean was trying to keep his anger from exploding at the thought that Lucifer had used him against his brother. 

“No kiddo… it isn’t.” Caleb answered. Sam sighed and pushed Dean into the kitchen chair and prodded at the cut below his eye, which was rapidly swelling. 

“Shit… I am so sorry.” Sam blushed bright red.

“It isn’t your fault, don’t even worry about it.” Sam snorted. 

“I punched you cause I thought you were Lucifer. All because of…” Sam tapered off, but Dean knew what he was talking about. 

“The bacon, yeah I know. I am sorry Sam I should have thought about it.” Sam smiled softly. 

“I’m gonna go get the first aid kit, so Caleb can stitch you up.” Sam left the kitchen and made his way up the stairs. Caleb sat in the seat Sam had just vacated with some ice, and passed it to Dean to put on his eye. 

“Kid still has a hell of a left hook.” Dean laughed. 

“Yep. A Winchester through and through Damien, you should know that.” Caleb smiled. 

“Uhhh… Do I want to know what the bacon thing was about?” Dean felt a shiver run up his spine   
as flashbacks to his own time in hell ran through his mind, he pushed them away and focused on Sam.

“Lets just say hell can make you a little queasy about cooking meat.” Caleb swallowed back the bile at what Dean was insinuating. 

“Jesus Christ I’m sorry Deuce. I should have known better.” 

“Shut up Damien, it ain’t your fault.” The conversation was cut short when Sam returned and placed the first aid kit in front of Caleb. Sam sat in silence as he watched Caleb fix up his brother. 

“I remember Stull.” Sam said suddenly. Caleb stopped putting things back in the kit and looked up at Sam and Dean who were watching each other intensely. “I am sorry I broke your face.” Dean just kind of smiled sadly. 

“I’m sorry I let you jump.” Sam laughed and shook his head. 

“That’s not your fault Dean… sometimes you have to let me go.” Dean’s big brother attitude was there in full force at that comment. 

“Like hell I do.” Caleb smiled to himself. Friggin’ Winchesters.

“Look Dean… You didn’t let me die alone… so thank you for that… but I am sorry you had to watch that.” 

“I’d do it again if I had to… but lets not… okay?” Sam laughed. 

“Yeah I’m with you.” 

“And I will personally kick both your asses if either you have anymore bright ideas to go anywhere again, you got it?” Caleb added. Both brothers looked up at their most loyal friend. 

“Don’t worry Damien, we plan on sticking around for awhile.” Dean said. “Wanna head back to the farm tomorrow?” Sam nodded.

“Yeah definitely, I’ve got some research I want to do anyway.” 

“Uhhh… research on what exactly?” Sam looked up at Caleb and Dean. 

“We still have to figure out how I came back.” Dean sighed. 

“Can’t we just take it as some good luck and let it go?” Dean asked. 

“You know we can’t Dean, it’s unnatural, and hell or not, I shouldn’t have gotten a pass. I have to know. You have got to let me do this.” 

“Yeah I know Sammy… doesn’t mean I have to like it.” Sam reached out and put a hand on his brother’s shoulder. 

“It’s gonna be okay Dean.” Dean nodded, but couldn’t help but think of the last time Sam had said those words, and how nothing had been even remotely okay.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:  
The journey from Bobby’s to the farm usually took 12 hours, but it had already been sixteen and they were just over half way to their destination. Mackland had taken Caleb’s truck and gone ahead the last time they had pulled over. Caleb decided to hunker down in the backseat of the Impala, while Sam and Dean were in their spots in the front, Sam’s window rolled down as far as it would go, and his body pressed tightly against the door, arms curled around his stomach and ribs so hard he was probably going to bruise. 

Every couple hours Sam would begin to squirm uncomfortably and rub his hands up and down the legs of his jeans. His panting would begin to fog up the inside of the windows, and before long his quiet whisper of a voice tentatively asked his brother to pull over… please. 

It was claustrophobia. None of them said it, mostly because none of them wanted to think about the reason behind it, but they all knew what it was as Sam climbed out of the car and leaned back against the back door, taking in deep breaths of fresh air, repeating over and over in his head that it didn’t taste of sulfur and fear. That he was out, and safe with his brother. 

Dean and Caleb would give him a few minutes of privacy so he could collect himself before joining him on the ground outside the car. It was quiet; just another back road of America where nobody travelled and it was just the three of them, the Impala, and miles of grain fields. Nobody spoke for a long time; they sat in silence waiting for Sam to come back around. 

“I’m sorry.” Sam whispered and Dean strained to hear him over the slight breeze blowing by. 

“Don’t apologize Sammy, we’ll get there when we get there.” Sam huffed in familiar frustration, the same noise he used to make when he couldn’t spell a word, or had a difficult math problem when they were kids. The innate Sam-ness of it makes Caleb’s heart ache for times where Sam’s frustrations were so simple to fix. 

“It’s not even like the fucking cage, not even a little bit. Nothing is like the cage, but I can’t… I don’t know how to… separate myself from it.” Sam frowned, trying to figure out a way for his scrambled thoughts to make sense to another human being. But as usual, Dean had already gotten it. Sam and Dean could communicate with a look or a touch, and Dean was an expert in Sam’s language for the most part. 

“It’s been a long time since you haven’t had to have your guard up kid, give it some time. Until then we will make it work. We always do.” Sam nodded.

“As you were soldier…” Sam says, and Dean kind of tilts his head at Sam. Sam catches his eye and smiles warmly, which makes Dean smile back. 

“Wanna share with the class Sammy?” Caleb says from where he was seated on the dry ground beside the brothers. Sam continues to smile like a little boy at Christmas and let loose a laugh. Sam didn’t laugh, a true laugh very often, and it was nice to hear it. 

“I got that stupid toy soldier stuck in the ashtray, and when Dad asked me about it, I told him he was watching the car when we weren’t around. I told him the car was family too. I had never seen Dad laugh so hard… and all he did was look straight at the thing and said ‘as you were soldier’ and he left it there. Even all those years I was gone you and Dad left it there…” Dean looked through the window at the little green army man, who still seemed to be standing at attention. He had one of those moments, where he thought about if the soldier could talk, what would he say. He had been in that same spot for some truly terrible things, but he had also been there for some truly great things too. 

“He is a part of her Sammy. Some things just…belong.” Sam nodded and stood silently, wiping the dirt from his jeans and staring out into the distance of complete nothingness. 

“I miss him… Dad. Even after all these years…” Dean refused to think of the true amount of years Sam was thinking of, because he knew it wasn’t five. 

“Yeah we all do.” 

“I hope that after all the crap that happened, they are all proud of us… Dad, Jim… Mom…” Dean hated these moments, but for now he felt the need to reassure, and answer all of Sam’s questions.

“They are kid. I guarantee you two grew up to be better men they could ever imagined. They will never be disappointed in you.” Caleb said. Sam nodded and went to turn away and head back to the car, but Dean grabbed him by the shoulder as a fear began to creep up his spine. 

“Is that why you jumped Sam? To make them proud?” 

“It wasn’t about that.”

“Then what was it about?” Sam quirked his head to the side, his hair blowing out of his face as the wind blew by. 

“Cleaning up my mess, saving the world, isn’t that what we do?” Dean squeezed harder at Sam’s shoulder, which made Sam flinch, but he made no move to separate himself from his brother. 

“Bullshit Sam, I know you, this was more personal then that, you were scared shitless, and you did it anyway. I just want to know why.” Sam eyed Dean and shook his head. 

“I wasn’t afraid of dying Dean, I’m still not, I never will be.” Dean swallowed and took a step back. Sam couldn’t mean that, Dean was scared of death, he knew it would happen eventually, but it didn’t stop him from fearing that there might be a minute chance he could return to the rack. 

“What do you mean?” Sam shrugged and stared back into the sun, soaking in the warmth it offered. 

“I knew how things were gonna end for me, I was going to hell one way or another. Azazael didn’t get me, so Lucifer did, but there was nothing he could do to me that I was afraid of. He couldn’t hate me anymore then I hated myself. He couldn’t hurt me in anyway I didn’t deserve. I wasn’t scared of dying, I was scared of being everything the demons, and the angels, and sometimes even my family thought I was going to be. I was scared of being evil, of being something you had to hunt. Hell was nothing compared to that.” Dean’s mouth fell open in shock and Caleb felt his stomach churn. 

“Jesus Christ Sam.” Caleb said. “You really believe that don’t you? You believe you deserved any of that? Are you that screwed up in the head?” Sam smiled.

“Of course I am, look at me. Fresh from the cage, unable to find enough air in a car I’ve been practically living in all my life.” 

“None of us ever thought you were evil kid. You were annoying, and spoiled, and rebellious at times. You fucked up, and made bad choices. I’ve wanted to punch you and hug you at the same damn time. But not me or Jim or John or your brother ever thought you were anything but good. You should know that by now.” Sam nodded, but Caleb could see him watching Dean out of the corner of his eye, and he knew Sam wouldn’t believe him without his brother’s approval of the statement. Dean noticed to and brought his shiny eyes up to his brothers. 

“We are all proud of you Sammy… but you didn’t need to take a nose dive with Lucifer to make that true. We were always proud of you.” Sam squirmed, but this time it didn’t seem nearly as uncomfortable. 

“You have a lot of chick flick moments for someone who claims to hate them.” Dean opened and closed his mouth like a fish and watched as the smirk made his way across his younger brothers face. He could see his best friend shaking with laughter beside them. 

“Oh fuck you Sam.” Dean said and headed back to the car.

“Sorry Deanna didn’t mean to hit a nerve. PMS is a bitch ain’t it?” Caleb let out a loud laugh. 

“I am so gonna kick your ass Sammy.” Dean said with a smirk. The ‘I love you’ was implied, but never said. 

“Bring it on big brother.” The ‘I love you too’ was said back silently as the three men got back into the car, heading towards their home.

Sam fell into his first dreamless sleep since he had been back, and he slept the rest of the journey, which went by quick when they didn’t have to stop anymore times.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6:   
Caleb swore under his breath as they pulled up to the farm and noticed a familiar face standing in the driveway with his father, leaning up against the side of his black truck. 

“Damn it…” Dean said as he killed the engine. 

“Fucking Josh… with all the shit that was going on I didn’t even think to call him.” Caleb replied. Dean looked in the rearview at his little brother who was still asleep in the backseat, his hair covering most of his face, as he leaned against the door. Dean decided to leave him be when they went to go talk to Joshua, not wanting to wake him up a moment before he absolutely had to. 

Dean opened the door, Caleb following slightly behind him. Their advisor nodded his greeting to them from where he stood with Mackland as the other two men came up beside them. Dean looked at Mackland questionably. 

“Did you tell him?” Mackland shook his head.

“Didn’t think he would believe me, even if I did. You have to see it to believe it. Trust me.” Mackland had gotten the phone call from Bobby, but didn’t believe what his friend was telling him until he saw a dazed Sam sitting on the couch in the rundown living room. 

“Uhhh… what’s going on guys?” Joshua asked. Dean looked at him, and tried to figure out how to break the news. Things has changed over the past several years, and while growing up the other three men had rarely gotten along with Joshua, they had come to realize where the older man was coming from, and all three of them were lucky to call the man a friend, ally, and a member of their mismatched little family. Dean decided just to come out with it; deciding there were no easy ways to break the news. 

“Sam’s back.” Dean said simply. Joshua looked shocked for a second and then a mask of blankness slipped back over his face. 

“Sam’s back?” Joshua repeated. 

“Yep.” Dean replied. 

“From the cage?” 

“You got it.” 

“Okay.” Caleb scoffed at his stepbrother’s passiveness.

“Just okay? We tell you Sam is back from Lucifer’s cage and you say okay? I was expecting a little more then that.” Joshua shrugged and sent a smirk Caleb’s way.

“I stopped being surprised by the stubbornness and capabilities of the Winchesters long ago my friend, haven’t you? It seems to me you can’t be a Winchester without finding a way to climb out of the pit.” Caleb laughed and leaned against the side of his truck. 

“Touché…” 

“So where is our hero?” Dean warmed at that sentence. Sam was a hero to the world, but nobody would ever understand how much Sam was a hero to Dean, and it went way deeper then saving the world. 

“Asleep in the back of the car… should probably wake him up but it is the calmest he has been since we got him back.” Joshua sighed, and remembered back to when Dean came back from hell. It was hard for all of them, even Joshua saw how the younger man had changed, and it wasn’t as if they were close at the time. 

“How is he?” Joshua asked cautiously Dean shrugged. 

“Better then I ever thought he would be… he is jumpy and he forgets things sometimes… but he is dealing. That is all we can really ask for at the moment.” Joshua nodded his understanding. 

“He’ll get better, and I will help him however I can.” Dean smiled and shook his head. 

“You don’t owe us anything Josh.” Joshua shrugged. 

“He saved the world, I’d say it’s a little bit of a privilege actually instead of a debt being paid. Besides he is still my Scholar, isn’t he?” Sam hadn’t explicitly said he wanted the title back, but as far as   
Dean was concerned nothing had changed. 

“Damn right he is.” All four men turned as they heard the door of the Impala squeak open. Sam stood and stretched his back; before he crossed his arms over himself and he looking up towards the crowd. His green eyes flickered over everyone else in the yard before finding his brother as if grounding himself on the older Winchester’s presence. After a moment, Sam walked forward and joined the pack of men, eyes still locked with Dean’s. Only when he was safely between Dean and Caleb did he allow his eyes to wander. 

“Hey Josh.” Joshua smile widened. 

“Still no respect for your elders eh Sammy?” 

“It’s Sam.” 

“And it’s Joshua.” Sam laughed and seemed to relax slightly, his hold over his body loosening slightly. “It’s really good to see you Sam.” 

“You too Joshua.” 

“So what do we do next?” Caleb asked. 

“I am gonna go to the Tomb, do some research and hopefully find out what pulled me from the cage. You guys get back to Brotherhood business, and I will help out where I can for now… at least until I am back to… you know… a hundred percent.” Caleb watched Dean stiffen, but he nodded his head to his little brother, who made his way up the stairs and into the farmhouse. Joshua and Mackland followed behind him leaving Caleb and Dean alone in the yard to grab the bags out of the Impala. Dean’s jaw twitched in frustration as he slammed the trunk. Caleb sighed and put his hand on his friends shoulder squeezing harder then strictly necessary. 

“He is back… just hang on to that okay?” 

“I know Damien… I am just concerned that when he finds out what happened he is going to feel guilty. He already doesn’t think he deserved to be saved.” Caleb released his hold on Dean and the Guardian turned towards him. 

“Well then why don’t you tell him to stop looking? Pull the guardian card on him.” Dean laughed.

“That won’t work on Sam… he needs to know, and I need to let him do it. I need to trust him to come to me when he finds out. This is my chance for a fresh start, and I am not going to start it by pulling the same crap I did the last two years. Whatever he finds out, we are gonna deal with it together, I am not letting any demons angels or secrets break us apart again.” Caleb swallowed and looked back at the house where their youngest was looking for the reasoning behind his release. As far as Caleb was concerned there was no one more deserving, but Sam wouldn’t see it that way. And Caleb knew he would stick with the Winchester’s no matter what they found out, it was in his DNA. 

“You know what Deuce? That was one of the gayest speeches I have ever heard.” Dean looked   
pissed for a second before he started to laugh and smacked Caleb hard on the back of the head. 

“Fuck you Damien.” Caleb laughed and rubbed the back of his head with his calloused hand. 

“In all seriousness, you know I got your back right? No matter what we find out.” Dean through a duffel bag over his shoulder and nodded his head. 

“I’ve never had any doubt about that Damien.”


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7:  
Sam had been nothing but studious since the Triad had returned to the farm, he had finally slipped his ring back on and in true Scholar fashion was not letting any of this go until he had an answer to why he had been pulled from the Cage. Dean looked at his brother and saw pure determination that never waivered, and for some reason it turned his stomach every time he looked at his brother. 

Dean and Caleb had attempted to help, but they both knew by the pure power of Sam’s bitch face when they entered the tomb that they were being more of a hindrance then help so they had learned to stay away and let Sam work in silence. 

Dean was in the kitchen when Sam’s unmanly yelp had him tearing into the adjoining room. Sam was holding his chest, and Caleb was standing protectively over him. But Sam just smiled slightly and nodded his head towards the corner where a familiar figure was standing. Dean scowled and took a step towards the angel.

“Damn it Cas, you almost gave him a heart attack.” Dean said. Sam snorted and sat back down at the table to continue reading. 

“I’m fine Dean, I just forgot that Cas pops in like that.” Cas just tilted his head as he watched the exchange between the brothers, waiting for a lull in conversation. 

“I come with news.” 

“Of what exactly? Cause honestly I am not in the mood to deal with anymore of Heaven’s problems.” Caleb said, sitting down at the large round table situated in the middle of the room. Caleb. A black knight at a round table, it always made Dean laugh at the irony of it. 

“We require nothing of you. I come with news of Sam’s return.” Sam looked up from the book he was reading, and closed it. Mentally preparing himself for whatever bad news. He was about to receive from the only angel who didn’t hate him. 

“Who did it?” Sam asked quietly. 

“Angels.” 

“Why did they do it? What do they want?” Castiel tilted his head at Sam’s question. 

“What makes you believe they want anything from you Sam?” Sam laughed darkly and stood up wiping his hand over his face and up through his hair before turning back around.

“Nobody is rescuing me from the goodness of their heart. So why did they do it?” Cas shrugged his shoulder awkwardly as if the human gesture was to foreign to him. 

“Because God commanded it.” 

“Why?” Sam growled. Caleb stood from where he was sitting; ready to pounce if the anger he felt melting off of Sam came out into the open. 

“There is no why to this. He rescued you because you wrote a new ending to the story of Earth. You saved the world Sam Winchester. This is your reward.” Sam growled again. 

“That doesn’t make any sense. There has to be a reason.” 

“Why Sam? Can’t we just be happy and let it go?” Dean said from the background. 

“No, Damn it.” Sam said. 

“Why not?” 

“Because! It doesn’t make any sense.” 

“What doesn’t?” Caleb asked. Sam hit the table in front of him hard with his fist. 

“Because Heaven doesn’t give a shit about someone like me! They always want something, and I want to know what!” Sam eyed Cas coldly, but the angel seemed unaffected. 

“You died to protect your family Sam, but in doing that, you saved the Earth from destruction.   
You protected everyone, and you kept Heaven from complete corruption. We require nothing further from you. I am sorry you do not consider that an appropriate answer.” Cas vanished from the room, leaving the Triad alone. Sam huffed and picked up a different book slamming it back down on the table. Dean took a step towards his brother. 

“Sammy, what are you doing?” 

“I’m gonna find the real answer, I’m not buying this fucking bullshit.” Dean sighed and put his   
hand on the cover of the book to keep Sam from opening it. 

“Sammy, please stop.” Sam sniffed and looked up at Dean. 

“I can’t…” 

“Why? Why can’t you just accept this? Why can’t you just go on and live your life? God brought you back Sam, that is enough for me, why can’t it be enough for you?” Caleb watched as the fight went out of Sam and his hand slid of the book and off the table. 

“That can’t be it Dean… God doesn’t rescue people like me from the Pit.” Caleb scoffed.

“People like what Sam? Heroes? People who die to save the world? Those are the first on the list of people who deserve to be saved.” Sam shook his head.

“I’m Sam Winchester. The Boy King, Lucifer’s Vessel, Demon Blood Addict, The Boy with the Demon Blood… A monster. Whatever the title, none of those are one of a person who deserved to be saved. My own name means I should have been damned. ” 

“Jesus Christ... You know something kid? I’ve killed people who have called you those names… don’t make me punch you up side the head.” Dean said. “None of that matters Sammy, you were never a monster. Damn it, you deserved to be rescued more then I ever did.” 

“That isn’t true Dean… you’re a good person.” Dean put his hand on Sam’s shoulder and squeezed hard. 

“So are you Sammy... look I know these last few years have left marks on you that can’t be erased. But damn it, I am not gonna lose you now to all this guilt that you carry. You’ve paid way more then your dues for your mistakes, it is okay to forgive yourself for this. It’s okay to move on.” Sam sighed and met his brother’s eyes. 

“I don’t know what to do… I’m so lost Dean…”

“Then come home.” Sam tilted his head curiously.

“I am home…” Dean smiled sadly. 

“No you aren’t. You aren’t home until you let this go little brother. I feel like a part of you is still stuck in the Cage, and it will always be that way until you except that you are here, that you deserve to be here.” 

“Yeah come on Sammy.” Caleb said from his place on the right hand side of the Winchester’s. 

“We just got you back. Don’t make us lose you to The Cage again. We need you here.” Sam was silent for a long while, obviously deep in thought. 

“Do you really think there is no more to it? That this is God’s reward?” Dean smiled. 

“I do, and I don’t think there was anyone more deserving of that.” Sam hid the blush of his cheeks behind his hair. 

“Do what so we so now?” Sam asked. 

“Now that we are Post Apocalypse, and have no war to fight?” Caleb said. “Well, we are the Triad, and we have work to do, and monsters to fight. So this week? I’m thinking Vegas.” Caleb smirked devilishly. And Sam laughed whole heartedly. Dean shook his head at his friend’s antics.

“I have hunts to assign.” Dean said. 

“You’ve got two hours. Come on Sam, we are gonna pack and go enjoy a vacation, we deserve it.” Sam stood and followed Caleb towards the door, but turned around once to smile at his brother.

“Thanks Dean…” Dean smiled back. 

“Welcome home you big girl.” Sam laughed and left the room leaving Dean alone. He sighed and looked up towards the ceiling closing his eyes. 

“Thank you.” The Guardian whispered, hoping that wherever he had disappeared to, God heard his gratitude.

The End.

**Author's Note:**

> I think this could be an interesting story…but I will move on to something else if there isn’t any interest. So let me know what you think, good or bad. I need the constructive criticism.


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